The Doctor Will See You Now

Island Boy had himself quite a weekend.  Every morning, he wondered pointedly why there was no school today.  He soon got over his bewilderment.

In the space of three days:

  • He attended a lawn party where he bounced the night away in the bounce house with other kids;
  • He went to a Marathon and cheered on his mom.  But, he declined to ring a cow bell, finding it undignified;
  • He demanded a picnic and got one at a county park;
  • He mastered the art of throwing the frisbee (a skill many adults do not possess);
  • He watched a parade where he saw his idol, Subway Dude, marching and playing the saxophone.  He was joined curbside by a gal pal from Pre-K who moved her entire family down the block and across the street to see IB;
  • He participated in a family luncheon/shopping bonanza at Wegmans, where his true impact upon this family has been felt (our grocery bills have skyrocketed since his arrival — we’re not complaining); and
  • We had friends over for a cookout on Monday evening.

During this last event, Island Boy had significant one-on-one time with his neighbor and good friend, Precocious.  She is a year younger than IB.  But, her verbal skills exceed IB’s by a mile.  Island Boy towers over Precocious by a good half-foot.  But, they are a good match for one another.

Precocious is a born leader, and loves to boss IB.  He doesn’t mind it at all — it’s clear he’s a sucker for a pretty face.

During the cookout, Precocious and IB were in the adults’ business to no end.  Our invitations for the two to play off the deck were rebuffed.  Although it was 75 and blue skies, these two scoundrels insisted that they needed some house time.  That request was denied as everyone was outside on the deck enjoyed the weather after weeks of driving rain.

Dinner was a hit.  Both children eschewed the organic chicken breasts in favor of the spicy sausage.  Another milestone reached in their gustatory development.

Subway Dude stopped by with his girlfriend.  They made polite conversation for the appropriate amount of time required of adolescents.  That box checked, they moved on.

After dinner, IB and P left the deck and played peacefully on the lawn.  Sure, they ripped out their share of tiger lily leaves to make mustaches for themselves and other innocent kid games.  No matter, those plants grow back like weeds anyway.

The adults marveled at how nicely the children were playing.  We could hear occasional snippets of their conversation, which drifted over from IB’s playhouse.

Precocious continues to take umbrage at IB’s failure to use the proper gender pronoun with her.  This is one of the final vestiges from Kreyol — a language in which the same pronoun li is used for he/she/it.  It all comes down to context.

Precocious is a literal girl and linear thinker.  She demands respect in the form of the word “she.”  She will not brook Island Boy referring to her as “he.”  If anyone will break our child of his grammatical habit, it will be Precocious.

About a half hour after dinner, the children had grown very quiet.  Island Boy has apparently mastered the word, vagina.  All four adults heard it clearly.

As we craned our necks over the side of the deck railing, we beheld the spectacle of both children standing facing each other with their pants and undies down around their ankles.

Some parents would have been appalled.  In many cases, the party would have come to a screeching halt.

However, we and our friends laughed hysterically.  We then told both kids to pull up their pants and to come see us immediately.  Island Boy was delayed as he had trouble negotiating his fly and the snap on his shorts.

We then explained (for the 100th time) that some things are private and best not shown to others at parties.

When we asked the children who came up with the great idea to drop trow, both kids pointed at each other.  Even Colombo will not come up with the solution to this mystery.

Island Boy and Precocious said they understood, and then went on to play on the swing.

Perhaps in their own graphic manner, Precocious and Island Boy decided once and for all to sort out their grammatical differences.

— The Major

Island Boy and Precocious


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jennifer on June 1, 2011 at 9:46 am

    This one has to win some kind of award. LOVE IT!


  2. Brilliant. It’s really fascinating to read another parent’s account of your child.


  3. Posted by Cecily on June 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    LMAO at this! Perfect nickname for “P”. Spot on description of her bossiness and need for grammatical perfection. These two are going to keep us on our toes.


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