Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Call a Cab

Winter has finally made an appearance here in Western New York.  Many work functions and social events have moved from December to January in order to avoid the craziness of the holiday season.  There are people who run outside in this kind of weather.  Subway Dude will be earning his drivers license soon, along with many of his friends.

These facts spurred me to share a little information with my fellow kay nouers. Continue reading

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Dear Santa, I have grievances.

Hi, my name is Island Boy.  No one takes me seriously.  While it’s true that I am only five years old, I have much to offer the world in terms of leadership.

Well, maybe not so much leadership.  I guess you’d really call it bossiness.

Anyway, when I get really mad at my mom and dad (like when they tell me to pick up my toys or to take a shower), I threaten to call the police.  At times like this, they just laugh at me.

I know I have a legit basis for a complaint to the cops — they’re being really mean to me.

The problem is that I don’t actually know any members of the local law enforcement community.  But, if I did… Continue reading

Of Captivity, Frustration, and Liberation on the East Side of the Keyboard

The shackles of my oppression

Hello, readers.  It’s been awhile.

He’s grown bored with the blog.

No, he hasn’t.  He finally decided to treat his broken right ring finger.

Some of you may remember that what began as an attempt to impress Running Girl at a rest stop in Minnesota on August 13, ended in pain and embarrassment (read here).  Then came two months of manly, it’ll get better all on its own bravado.

How’d that work out for you, Major?

Well, I’ll show you: Continue reading

The Eagle and The Beaver

In the late 1990s, I asked an American who had lived in Canada what it was like to reside on that side of the border.

“Well,” she stated, pausing to think about it.  “Americans have almost no views on Canadians.  However, Canadians have very definite opinions about Americans.”

My years of living at the border and traveling within Canada have affirmed this wisdom.

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POP QUIZ FOR AMERICANS

  1. Name Canada’s current leader (hint: he is the Prime Minister).
  2. Name Canada’s two main political parties.
  3. Name at least one Canadian Football League (CFL) team.

(Answers are found at the bottom)

Yanks, you don’t know any of these, do you?  But, virtually all Canadians can answer these questions about the United States of America

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My favorite Canadian sign. Each time I see one of these, I feel like I've won a race.

Continue reading

Help me out with this one.

It’s 7:58 p.m., and my car touches down in my driveway.  In the garage, I open my door.  Before my Allen Edmunds lace-ups hit the ground, the across-the-street neighbor is calling my name and entering my garage.  Apparently, he has been stalking waiting for my arrival all night.

I’m in a suit.  I’m carrying a briefcase.  I’m sure I look like I haven’t been home since the sun arose.

But, neighbor dude blows right through all that.  He’s needs something.

Back up a couple of months.  “Donnie” (not really his name — duh, he’s my neighbor) has been leaving little gifts for Island Boy in my garage.  In reality, Donnie has been cleaning out his own garage. Continue reading

The Ramp

With my job change, I am experiencing another new phenomenon: the multi-storied parking garage.

In WNY, colloquially, it is called a ramp.  When I first moved here, I really didn’t know what people were talking about when they used that term.

Now here I am, working in the heart of downtown, sharing common ground with a thousand of my fellow commuters.  In the words of the immortal Bart of Springfield, I’m livin’ it.  But, I ain’t lovin’ it. Continue reading

Unmentionables

Yeah, I’m talking about underwear today.

I could put up one of those tasty disclaimers like, For those of you who are Victorian prudes easily offended, please skip this one and wait for the next blog post.  But, words like those are disingenuous as they only serve to pique one’s interest.

What is it about these particular articles of clothing that stirs the pot so?  The mere mention of the word “underwear” by a woman can make a man stop in mid-track and listen.  The a brief flutter of lace can cause some of us to run our cars off the road in distraction.  The utterance of the word can reduce an elementary school child to hysterical laughter [And I’ve conducted scientific research on this theory with my kindergartner].

The fact is, all most of us wear them everyday. Continue reading