Rumpole of the Bailey
I don’t often write about my chosen profession. I’m not one of those attorneys who walks around wearing it on his sleeve. Instead, over the years, I’ve adopted an “it’s what I do; not who I am” sort of attitude. Nevertheless, 18 years beyond the bar exam, I find that I am really starting to enjoy my job and my colleagues. Here are some of the keys to my happiness:
Be a ‘Super Lawyer’ — Recently, I was chosen for inclusion in a publication with the unfortunate title of “Super Lawyers”. Although this selection is intended to be an honor (there are bona fide selection processes involved, including a
Super Lawyer?
peer review), Super Lawyer selection is often the butt of jokes among my colleagues and myself. Just what the profession of lawyering needs — another pompous title, right?
Look, we all know the tarnished reputation of attorneys. Any educated person can cite the line from Shakespearean’s Henry VI about killing all the lawyers. Following Watergate, lawyers were held in such low esteem that law schools across the nation instituted core ethics requirements for all graduates. Every one of you can peel off a few good lawyer jokes at any time. Simply put, we are one of those professions where nobody loves us until they need us.
M. Dolores Denman Courthouse, Rochester, NY
The late Dolores Denman was the Presiding Justice of the appellate court in my judicial department. From time to time, she was known to exclaim that she preferred the company of attorneys to just about anyone else. “Lawyers,” she would state, “are funny, delightful people.” As a young lawyer hearing this for the first time, I’m not sure that I fully appreciated what she meant. Now, I do.
Noted Greek funny man, Aristophanes. His friends called him "Shecky"
There is no doubt that the profession draws intelligent, witty people. After all, we argue for a living. As sages from Aristophanes to Woody Allen have noted, within conflict lie the seeds of comedy. Although not every lawyer has the timing and skill of Jackie Mason (who was trained as a Rabbi — another great source of material), we all have access to good stories. Of course, we are all familiar with stodgy, dry attorneys (they’re called tax lawyers for a reason). Just sayin’ that they are the exception; not the rule.
Another thing I failed to understand in my younger days is that (for good or for bad) this gig comes with a lot of perks. Like Superman, I have found that, when I use my powers to do favors for people, I feel wonderful. Thus, I spend a good part of every day trying to do some good. Most of the time, nobody learns of these deeds. I try to keep it that way.
Jafar: "He who has the gold makes the rules."
The Golden Rule — Disney’s twist on this ancient edict is found at right. Some think that the legal profession’s Golden Rule is: Do it to the other guy twice before he gets the chance to do it back to you. That’s not my way.
As advocates, we are trained to put ourselves in other people’s shoes by evaluating all sides of an issue. Thus, it is not difficult to take into account the feelings of others. I have learned that, in a professional community, treating your adversary and others with the respect you feel is your due is smart lawyering.
I have seen it time and again, lawyers who speak the truth and treat all people decently are treated in turn with respect and given deference by courts, adversaries and others. This often results in better results for our clients.
One salient example to the contrary sticks in my reptile brain. As a young trial attorney, I recall more seasoned lawyers taking advantage of my inexperience. I remember all of their names. I will never forget them, and have paid each of them back in kind when the opportunity has arisen.
I try never to mistreat young adversaries making missteps. Instead, I see an opportunity for mentoring. The marginal tactical edge gained by taking advantage of them is more than outweighed by helping them. In other words, you earn a friend for life instead of an bitter enemy for eternity.
Where do I apply for my refund?
Tell me about your childhood — All right. Let’s put this on the list of the 10,000 valuable things that they never taught me at that really expensive institution depicted at left. A fundamental understanding of human behavior is necessary for good lawyering. Good psychologists make good attorneys, baby. No question: if you understand how people are thinking and what potentially motivates them, you have a tremendous advantage. Not all lawyers are good at this.
I get a kick out of reading people. It’s
better than sports.
How do I get my troublesome client to cooperate? Why is my opponent suddenly acting all nice to me? If I point out this fact, will it embarrass the judge?
My job calls for amateur psychology 100 times a day. I have to keep this basic premise in mind: forget the term “crazy”; everyone has a reason for what they do. The key is taking the time to figure out that reasoning. Once you do that, you’re on your way.
You
You’re Atticus Finch, not Lady Gaga — Too many lawyers get wrapped up in their title, status and sense of (self) importance. They make people come to them.
Think Atticus Finch carrying that lamp and chair out to the jail to protect Tom Robinson from lynching. Now that, my friends, is assuring a favorable outcome for your client. Never mind the fact that Tom meets a sad ending — that’s not Atticus’ fault. Tell me you didn’t have a lump in your throat when everyone stood up when Atticus passed by. Convince me that Atticus’ practice didn’t take off like a rocket after that trial.
Instead of having my clients come to my office. I go out to see them. You immediately garner more respect in their eyes. Their level of
Your Opponent
cooperation increases substantially. More importantly, during these visits you ALWAYS pick up something valuable (e.g. the identity of a witness you didn’t know existed; a document from deep within the client’s file; a fresher perspective on your case).
I also visit the site of the incidents involved in the case. 100% of the time this will give you a leg up on your opponent, who is probably too self-important to go out to the site. Let the other side play Lady Gaga sitting on a throne. I know — that’s a terrible metaphor. But, you get the idea.
"The Catch" off Vic Wertz
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar — Just ask Willie Mays. Say Hey swears by the stuff.
When I am taking someone’s deposition (a fancy way of saying “getting their testimony”), I’m as friendly as Andy Griffith (early in the day, before Barney Fife comes in and fucks everything up). In fact, I have to advise my clients
If only he had played a lawyer. Oh wait...
beforehand not to jump to the conclusion that I have changed sides. This approach gets way more dirt out of the person testifying than coming at him or her with sharpened knives.
Here’s a tip if you’re questioning someone for hours: if they like you, they will eventually let their guard down.
Be curious, it will lead to cool stuff — Like the simian of renown depicted here:
your unbridled interest can take you places that you never knew existed. Got a pilot for a client? Ask him what it’s like in the cockpit. Chances are, he’ll show you. My ride in an Apache was scary as hell.
AH-64 Apache
This is one of the parts of my job that I love the most: I get to learn new stuff all the time. I can tell you how a heat exchanger works. I have personally mixed asphalt in a courtroom to the wonder of the jury. I have strapped on Night Observation Devices (or NODs) and gone on midnight maneuvers with the troops.
Curiosity is the mother of adventure.
The Gift of Losing —There’s no way to sugar-coat it: losing sucks. And, if you stick around in this game long enough, you will lose more than you win. The only upside is that you learn from losing. Period.
“If he would be a great lawyer, he must first consent to become a great drudge.” — Daniel Webster said it best. There’s no substitute for the grunt work.
Like many lawyers, I got into this line of work courtesy of a TV show. In the 1980s “L.A. Law” was the hottest thing going. The lifestyles that the actors in the series led would have enticed St. Francis to drop the bird food and apply to Stanford Law. Later generations would be similarly seduced
As if...
by “Ally McBeal”, “The Practice” and “Boston Legal”. The only problem with these shows is that they did not depict any of the hard work that goes along with the job. They only show the glamorous parts.
If you can’t embrace the drudgery, you’ll never make it in this biz. So put your head down and get to work. It will make all the glitzy parts of the gig (like trial) seem more fun.
The View from the Left —Scott Turow, Clarence Darrow, Bill Clinton, 
Barack Obama, F. Lee Bailey, Melvin Belli, Marcia Clark…the list goes on. The percentage of left-handed lawyers is grossly disproportionate to the rest of society (which is 93% right-handed). The same phenomenon applies in the worlds of art (Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Picasso, Raphael), music, politics, and entertainment. But, let’s focus on the law.
Scientific scholarship on this issue has shown that left-handed males tend to have (among other gifts) superior verbal skills. Therefore, the story goes that lawyering should play right into our lefty wheelhouse.
I don’t know if this is valid or not. All I know is that, for my entire life, I have been trying to adapt to a world that seems to be made for others. Think about it: if you verbally described the beautiful landscape at right to a room full of righties and to me, the view in my mind would likely be totally different from the other people in the room. I might imagine the cow and barn on the right instead of the left, for example. This happens when I am reading: my mentally-imaged view is almost always different from that of the right-handed author. I used to think that I was weird. Well, maybe I am…but for different reasons.
Anyway, doesn’t it seems possible that constantly having to adjust my view would help me to see things from a different perspective? In the end, this might make me a better lawyer. Who knows?
Well, these are some of the secrets of my professional happiness. Now, go find your own.
— The Major
Kay Nou = Our House 